I did not use the word 'stupid' for a reason, Thrawn. Nor do I think you are.
[ He breathes out. And he hates going through each one, but for Thrawn, he will. ]
You acknowledge your capacity to overstep and overplan, but every time that you acknowledge it, you proceed to follow the same path again doing the same thing, making your acknowledgement both frustrating and seemingly ungenuine. I do not believe you lack the capacity to consider the emotional portions of these decisions, only that you have never been asked to do so. Instead, you had either your sister to assist you with this or those who were assigned to the same task. I acknowledge that this is not a natural intelligence to you, but it is also not something which cannot be learned to some degree and that learning is something that you have, to my mind, actively avoided.
'Ruined lives' is not words that I used, and for good reason, because they are overdramatic and inaccurate. 'Broken hearts' include Aerith and myself, and I used those words to indicate an extreme emotional pain caused by your choices. I asked you to report to Doctor Sheehan as he is the only actual doctor of psychology on this ship, and while his experience is with the criminally insane, that is merely a subsection of such studies, just as a cardiologist may perform all manner of medical proceedures despite having a specialization in the study of the heart and pulminary system.
I never, at any point, asked you not to speak to your friends, nor to not speak to Aerith and I don't know why you chose to do so. Avoidance does not heal relationships nor the hurt to individuals. Turnover on this ship is a difficulty for all, but I realize that it is especially difficult for you, but it is somewhat presumptuous to believe it is centered on or focused on you; it is how things have gone and how they will continue to go once you have graduated, fortunately or unfortunately. I also did not use the word 'atrocity' and the use of such is overdramatic and inaccurate both in scale and definition.
What you asked for was a simple answer and the fact of the matter is that there is not a simple answer that I can give you that will serve you properly, which is both why I began to guide you towards the answer and why I asked for Doctor Sheehan's help in potentially giving you a greater vocabulary, more tools, and someone who is not directly responsible for you to speak to as I have seen you grow more and more closed off and unwilling to actually work with me as our time together has progressed.
I have told you that your attempts to control your situation are counter to your graduation and that you should focus on self-understanding and self-examination and that this will lead to your graduation. While I have not spoken to Doctor Sheehan, I can guess that what he said was something along the lines of 'if you're trying to hard to graduate, you won't' somewhat akin to 'you are missing the forest for the trees' in that your drive to graduate will make you so singularly focused that you won't actually pay attention to the root causes of your situation and what changes you will make will be superficial and surface level as opposed to addressing the true reason.
You are inside a trap of your own making, unfortunately, and you are there because you are holding onto a deep and abiding fear that you have centered your entire life on and the very idea of shifting, of letting go of this fear, is more terrifying than the fear itself because to even question the validity of that fear is to question the validity of your entire life, your purpose, and everything that you value in yourself and your choices, and more importantly, it potentially (to your mind) endangers that which is most important to you. And it is through the lens of that need, the requirement to hold onto it, that all of your options appear to lead you in circles.
A man with one leg shackled can go in all manner of directions but he can also only go so far.
Re: text
[ He breathes out. And he hates going through each one, but for Thrawn, he will. ]
You acknowledge your capacity to overstep and overplan, but every time that you acknowledge it, you proceed to follow the same path again doing the same thing, making your acknowledgement both frustrating and seemingly ungenuine. I do not believe you lack the capacity to consider the emotional portions of these decisions, only that you have never been asked to do so. Instead, you had either your sister to assist you with this or those who were assigned to the same task. I acknowledge that this is not a natural intelligence to you, but it is also not something which cannot be learned to some degree and that learning is something that you have, to my mind, actively avoided.
'Ruined lives' is not words that I used, and for good reason, because they are overdramatic and inaccurate. 'Broken hearts' include Aerith and myself, and I used those words to indicate an extreme emotional pain caused by your choices. I asked you to report to Doctor Sheehan as he is the only actual doctor of psychology on this ship, and while his experience is with the criminally insane, that is merely a subsection of such studies, just as a cardiologist may perform all manner of medical proceedures despite having a specialization in the study of the heart and pulminary system.
I never, at any point, asked you not to speak to your friends, nor to not speak to Aerith and I don't know why you chose to do so. Avoidance does not heal relationships nor the hurt to individuals. Turnover on this ship is a difficulty for all, but I realize that it is especially difficult for you, but it is somewhat presumptuous to believe it is centered on or focused on you; it is how things have gone and how they will continue to go once you have graduated, fortunately or unfortunately. I also did not use the word 'atrocity' and the use of such is overdramatic and inaccurate both in scale and definition.
What you asked for was a simple answer and the fact of the matter is that there is not a simple answer that I can give you that will serve you properly, which is both why I began to guide you towards the answer and why I asked for Doctor Sheehan's help in potentially giving you a greater vocabulary, more tools, and someone who is not directly responsible for you to speak to as I have seen you grow more and more closed off and unwilling to actually work with me as our time together has progressed.
I have told you that your attempts to control your situation are counter to your graduation and that you should focus on self-understanding and self-examination and that this will lead to your graduation. While I have not spoken to Doctor Sheehan, I can guess that what he said was something along the lines of 'if you're trying to hard to graduate, you won't' somewhat akin to 'you are missing the forest for the trees' in that your drive to graduate will make you so singularly focused that you won't actually pay attention to the root causes of your situation and what changes you will make will be superficial and surface level as opposed to addressing the true reason.
You are inside a trap of your own making, unfortunately, and you are there because you are holding onto a deep and abiding fear that you have centered your entire life on and the very idea of shifting, of letting go of this fear, is more terrifying than the fear itself because to even question the validity of that fear is to question the validity of your entire life, your purpose, and everything that you value in yourself and your choices, and more importantly, it potentially (to your mind) endangers that which is most important to you. And it is through the lens of that need, the requirement to hold onto it, that all of your options appear to lead you in circles.
A man with one leg shackled can go in all manner of directions but he can also only go so far.