There are a number of incorrect pieces of information in your assertion, even beyond the pieces which are biased opinion.
[ And oh, it is only a lifetime of loathing people privately that is keeping his tone and his face neutral. It's all he can do not to curl his spine, make himself look small and defenseless so he can jab a knife in their throat.
Instead, his tone is instructional. Lifeless, but neutral. ]
I have never been human. My parents were human but held the capacity to produce a member of the subspecies which is a more accurate title. 'Humans' cannot burn the inside out of a human body with nothing but a touch. 'Humans' cannot see creatures that exist on different levels of reality than our own. While our biology and physiology are similar, there is a portion of my brain that allows me to see and manipulate energy that a human cannot. It is this portion of the brain, found within the cognitive centers, which is destroyed by those in my world as an option other than execution.
I have shifted from one type of subspecies of human to another subspecies of human. Even then, I still retain my ability to manipulate energy accordingly and so it might be more accurate to place me as a third subspecies or a hybrid subspecies.
As for my 'desire to change back', I consider my shift in subspecies to have no bearing on my values, allegiances, or loyalties for both practical and logical reasons. The first being that as mentioned, I am a rare or hybrid species: if my loyalties existed purely on the basis of species, I would have no one to be loyal to. Second, there is no overwhelming cause or need to which being a mage or being a vampire can or should change the prioritization of my choices as these groups are not in outright conflict either superficially or in regards to resources, goals, or desires.
To a mage, other humans are just as vital in necessity as other humans are to a human. The same can be said of vampires, and it should be noted that human beings can and have subsisted on other human beings at various times in history either due to necessity or due to certain ritual practices. From a practical standpoint, a vampire's goal is the health and well being of humanity because that is their foodsource. Even from the least charitable standpoint, this is so. A parasite that kills its host kills themselves. From a most charitable standpoint, acknowledging that I am hardly a beast with no self control nor a mindless creature with only physical needs, individuals around me and my place in the society of this vessel and this community are things which I value and act to protect such as during the battle some weeks ago on the Narrenschiff and through my continued efforts at providing shields and acting as a ship's doctor.
[ Oh, you thought he was done? He is not done. ]
Further, the statement that I 'have no desire to change back' is factually inaccurate. I had no desire to change back while we were in a crisis situation as my body, previous to this transformation, would have put me at a distinct disadvantage. I have several standing health issues, including weaknesses and frailty, which would have endangered me more than being a vampire in a hostile situation, even with the problem of sunlight and daylight hour sleeping, especially considering the existence of allies willing to watch over me during those times and magical protections I had in place.
At the moment, I have no desire to change back as this is a standing experiment which is one of several possible solutions to a problem I have regarding my own mortality versus the immortality of my fiance and creation. I have deemed this experiment worthwhile in value because I have the means to continue in my current subspecies without causing harm or danger to any others of any species due to arrangements I have made. I am hardly a 'parasite', especially not in practice, and to simplify the relationship between my current subspecies and others as such as ignores the fact that vampires produce other vampires from the human population, making any human just as much a potential progeny as a potential meal, and your choice to designate it in such a way as if the members of such a species are not thinking, feeling individual people with the autonomy to make decisions which are harmful or beneficial to the greater collective is both bigotry and factually inaccurate foolishness cherrypicking whatever knowledge you've gained to confirm your bias.
[ A flat look. ]
And we haven't even gotten to the fact that none of this, not even one spec of it, in any way indicates that I have done or chosen or behaved in a way regarding you that warrants a lack of belief or trust in me. What it does say is that your emotions, your feelings, are so impactful that they supersede your ability to reason in ways that you will not and do not even realize until after, something which supports my assertions and decisions to try and make you examine said emotions to find the root of the issues that continue to keep you here.
In short: you're being a flaming jackass right now. And I do not deserve the treatment you've given me given the treatment, and the trust, that you have been given before, after, and during all of this. And I will not pretend for one more moment that it is appropriate because you can use a calm voice to do it.
[ A soft breath out. His voice is more gentle then. ]
If you need some time to process this, I would understand that, however.
no subject
[ And oh, it is only a lifetime of loathing people privately that is keeping his tone and his face neutral. It's all he can do not to curl his spine, make himself look small and defenseless so he can jab a knife in their throat.
Instead, his tone is instructional. Lifeless, but neutral. ]
I have never been human. My parents were human but held the capacity to produce a member of the subspecies which is a more accurate title. 'Humans' cannot burn the inside out of a human body with nothing but a touch. 'Humans' cannot see creatures that exist on different levels of reality than our own. While our biology and physiology are similar, there is a portion of my brain that allows me to see and manipulate energy that a human cannot. It is this portion of the brain, found within the cognitive centers, which is destroyed by those in my world as an option other than execution.
I have shifted from one type of subspecies of human to another subspecies of human. Even then, I still retain my ability to manipulate energy accordingly and so it might be more accurate to place me as a third subspecies or a hybrid subspecies.
As for my 'desire to change back', I consider my shift in subspecies to have no bearing on my values, allegiances, or loyalties for both practical and logical reasons. The first being that as mentioned, I am a rare or hybrid species: if my loyalties existed purely on the basis of species, I would have no one to be loyal to. Second, there is no overwhelming cause or need to which being a mage or being a vampire can or should change the prioritization of my choices as these groups are not in outright conflict either superficially or in regards to resources, goals, or desires.
To a mage, other humans are just as vital in necessity as other humans are to a human. The same can be said of vampires, and it should be noted that human beings can and have subsisted on other human beings at various times in history either due to necessity or due to certain ritual practices. From a practical standpoint, a vampire's goal is the health and well being of humanity because that is their foodsource. Even from the least charitable standpoint, this is so. A parasite that kills its host kills themselves. From a most charitable standpoint, acknowledging that I am hardly a beast with no self control nor a mindless creature with only physical needs, individuals around me and my place in the society of this vessel and this community are things which I value and act to protect such as during the battle some weeks ago on the Narrenschiff and through my continued efforts at providing shields and acting as a ship's doctor.
[ Oh, you thought he was done? He is not done. ]
Further, the statement that I 'have no desire to change back' is factually inaccurate. I had no desire to change back while we were in a crisis situation as my body, previous to this transformation, would have put me at a distinct disadvantage. I have several standing health issues, including weaknesses and frailty, which would have endangered me more than being a vampire in a hostile situation, even with the problem of sunlight and daylight hour sleeping, especially considering the existence of allies willing to watch over me during those times and magical protections I had in place.
At the moment, I have no desire to change back as this is a standing experiment which is one of several possible solutions to a problem I have regarding my own mortality versus the immortality of my fiance and creation. I have deemed this experiment worthwhile in value because I have the means to continue in my current subspecies without causing harm or danger to any others of any species due to arrangements I have made. I am hardly a 'parasite', especially not in practice, and to simplify the relationship between my current subspecies and others as such as ignores the fact that vampires produce other vampires from the human population, making any human just as much a potential progeny as a potential meal, and your choice to designate it in such a way as if the members of such a species are not thinking, feeling individual people with the autonomy to make decisions which are harmful or beneficial to the greater collective is both bigotry and factually inaccurate foolishness cherrypicking whatever knowledge you've gained to confirm your bias.
[ A flat look. ]
And we haven't even gotten to the fact that none of this, not even one spec of it, in any way indicates that I have done or chosen or behaved in a way regarding you that warrants a lack of belief or trust in me. What it does say is that your emotions, your feelings, are so impactful that they supersede your ability to reason in ways that you will not and do not even realize until after, something which supports my assertions and decisions to try and make you examine said emotions to find the root of the issues that continue to keep you here.
In short: you're being a flaming jackass right now. And I do not deserve the treatment you've given me given the treatment, and the trust, that you have been given before, after, and during all of this. And I will not pretend for one more moment that it is appropriate because you can use a calm voice to do it.
[ A soft breath out. His voice is more gentle then. ]
If you need some time to process this, I would understand that, however.