Correct: something can be overdramatic and inaccurate without being wrong because 'wrong' implies that it is incorrect while overdramatic implies that it is overblown but not, actually, incorrect and inaccurate also allows for being within a certain range but not precise enough to provide clarity, but again, not inherently incorrect.
[ Gentler. ]
I would like to point out that your unhappiness is, with or without your intention, my concern and a burden on me because your well being is important to me. Not just your progress or your physical well being, but your happiness and wellness. And I want more than anything to help you in protecting this ship and all that you see to be good and worth protecting.
[ Head tilt. ]
Do you feel comfortable sharing regarding the last?
A clarification first: your usefulness is only of concern as it relates to your happiness, in the sense that I know you need to feel useful to be happy. My aspirations are not a part of my concern for your happiness, or only as much as the two naturally flow into one another. My concern for your happiness and well being is independent of that concern. It is purely a desire for your happiness and well being because you are someone I greatly care for and am glad to have gotten to meet and work with. In short: I am happy that you exist and it is my desire, independent of our working relationship, that that existence be one that gives you satisfaction and which you enjoy.
[ Moving on. ]
I would ask you to share what you mean by "the validity of my purpose is, regretfully, being revisited many times this week" specifically, if you are comfortable.
[he gazes at Florian and does not say it back. Instead Thrawn hums, and tells him one of the many secrets about the Chiss.
This is his way of saying he cares, too, for Florian. Enough to trust him with knowledge that could get Thrawn killed]
My people are...insular. That which has stood for five thousand years does not give way to change easily. I may be the only one who can save them from the enemy most either are ignorant of or deny exists.
When I was exiled, I met privately with our top military leadership. I was given a mission to seek out allies in this upcoming fight for our survival. They prepared me and moved me to a place where I would have a good chance of a patrol from such an ally stumbling on me, and used my tactical advantages to move up the ranks.
This was, of course, conditional. The new Empire I serve is cruel and its leadership does not care about the average foot soldier, let alone the average citizen. I had opportunity to escape back to my people, perhaps even with a few choice allies towards the end of it. Instead I opted to continue to fight battles, hoping the war could wait. Hoping that I could win more support, more ships, or perhaps it was ego after all. Perhaps I enjoyed the lack of restraint and caution in a place with little care for oversight; I found freedom in a dictatorship.
I have cause to worry that with my death, I have failed both those under my command in the Empire, and the Chiss Ascendancy as a whole.
[ Florian, in truth, has no real need to hear from Thrawn that he cares in return. He's seen it, in the trust regarding his people, both in sharing about them and in entrusting them to him should Thrawn disappear. In the way Thrawn reacted to his injury and transformation, in the way he's struggled with him the way that Thrawn would not if he was dismissed or if his words didn't matter. All throughout this, he has never doubted that there is a thread of more than just respect. His motivation in telling Thrawn is to ensure that that caring is understood to be mutual. It is not something he wants left to chance, especially when 'caring' is one of the few things he is exceptionally awful at conveying genuinely.
There are half a dozen people on this ship he would rip apart worlds for. He doubts even half of them know that. And in some ways, he feels that is for the best.
But Thrawn continues. And Florian listens. When Thrawn is done, he breathes in to answer.]
I do think ego is a problem of yours. [ No beating around that bush. ] But I don't think it is at the core of the matter, certainly not the beating heart of it. Merely what keeps the unfortunate engine of your destruction moving. To clarify: the engine but not the pilot.
[ He turns a hand. ]
I think you remained because you looked at the numbers and realized that with what you had gained, the return on your investment was far too low to be of use for your purposes in the time period you'd spent; admitting you had made a mistake was no matter of 'ego' but a loss of resources that could not be regained and thus you sought to find value in them through increased effort. It is, unfortunately, unsurprising in an Empire built as you say, perhaps even part of the design in the 'offer' made to you, a trap of sorts, to gain use of your tactical skills at a limited cost by backloading the greatest value on said return. A trap made for someone like you: someone who cares about his people more than whatever values he holds and is willing to forsake them in order to gain what he needs to protect them.
Except that a machine like that is never made to protect anyone, and it is built only to serve it's master, to only be able to serve it's master. Even at the cost of it's own destruction. It is a stupid animal.
[ He breathes out slowly before making sure he has Thrawn's eyes. ]
I do not think your people, those under your command or those within the Ascendancy, are even close to failed, however. They could have been, given your decisions in your world, but they are not and if you are willing to change your course, could end up in a better position than they once were.
[ A breath in again. ]
I am willing to offer you a trade, Thrawn. And I see this trade as the first step on this new course.
[ He turns a hand towards Thrawn. ]
My deal upon your graduation to use in your people's best interest, determined between the two of us, in exchange for your agreement to remain on board and, barring the uncontrollable, the first deal you earn to be used in replacement. Trust for trust.
[his eyes widen in visible surprise, and then lower, feeling humbled and honored. There has only been one other human who has - to Thrawn's knowledge - shown as much loyalty and desire to protect others, even to the point where he himself lacked the courage or know-how.
It is both like and not like the moment when Florian offered to take Thrawn's place, should the unthinkable happen. He was always going to stay here for a deal of protection: that has not changed. But it's a cold shock to realize it's come far sooner than he anticipated.
Such is the level of trust between this warden-inmate pair that he does not insult Florian by asking how he will verify. He both trusts that Florian believes in Thrawn's word of honor, and that Florian has his own private methods of verification he'd rather not disclose.
He does give a slight, ironic smile at how Florian describes the Empire. How much of a politically naive fool was Thrawn, he wonders, first to not see it and then to believe he could change enough of it to make a difference? He has the Chiss, but he also has the people of the Chimaera and the rest of 7th Fleet - thousands of officers alone, many of whom he personally has slated for mentorship or promotion. They too would be chewed up and spat out, all for the sake of the Empire's never-ending demand for absolute control. He thrives in a military dictatorship, but it was always conditional. The Emperor had threatened him enough times to understand that cross-loyalties would never be tolerated. He could have become a political prisoner just as easily as an asset.
It pains him to admit that he knew it was a mistake and hoped for better.
Florian is waiting for an answer; Thrawn stands, extending his forearm for Florian to grasp in whatever way he pleases: the Chiss forearm or the human hand. Either is preferable; neither is sufficient to convey the depths of gratitude and affection. But he suspects his warden, who has insights into nearly everything, will know without him having to struggle with words]
[ Perhaps if he were someone else, the 'arm' would be pushed aside for a hug, but he is not and has never been a casual hugger. Instead, his movements are, as always, deliberate and specific. Which is why he takes his hand, gives it a gentle squeeze, and then slides forward to transition it to a Chiss forearm hold. And he looks up at Thrawn, allowing some of his joy and pride and affection to be seen through the clear glassblue.
He will hold it, just the right amount of time, precisely, before his smile widens to something less calculated, something one might even call 'open' as he nods and steps back. Then he looks to Thrawn, and his voice is soft. ]
Our first task is to regain your health and focus. I am sure that there are people you'd like to talk to, but don't forget to rest tonight. Shall we start properly tomorrow?
[Thrawn is not a hugger either, or at least not one who would instigate it. Especially given their height difference and the block of the table between them. But he gives a respectful nod back, thoughtful, his eyes lighting up into their neon red blaze once more. He settles his hands against his back in his usual way]
Indeed. Though there is one slight matter before we adjourn.
I misspoke when I informed you that there were no oaths the Chiss take that carry beyond death. There is one: I have taken it once in my life, for something that has no relevance or bearing. I should like to take it a second time.
I am prepared to embrace this to my grave, and beyond.
[It's a simple oath. Thrass described it to him later as the most stringent and binding: he supposes it makes it easy enough to remember. Still, he steps out from his desk to walk Florian to the door]
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Re: text
[ Gentler. ]
I would like to point out that your unhappiness is, with or without your intention, my concern and a burden on me because your well being is important to me. Not just your progress or your physical well being, but your happiness and wellness. And I want more than anything to help you in protecting this ship and all that you see to be good and worth protecting.
[ Head tilt. ]
Do you feel comfortable sharing regarding the last?
Re: text
Thank you, Florian.
[a slow blink back]
As you have tied your aspirations to mine, and because I understand that my happiness will naturally follow my usefulness...Very well. Yes.
What do you wish me to share?
Re: text
A clarification first: your usefulness is only of concern as it relates to your happiness, in the sense that I know you need to feel useful to be happy. My aspirations are not a part of my concern for your happiness, or only as much as the two naturally flow into one another. My concern for your happiness and well being is independent of that concern. It is purely a desire for your happiness and well being because you are someone I greatly care for and am glad to have gotten to meet and work with. In short: I am happy that you exist and it is my desire, independent of our working relationship, that that existence be one that gives you satisfaction and which you enjoy.
[ Moving on. ]
I would ask you to share what you mean by "the validity of my purpose is, regretfully, being revisited many times this week" specifically, if you are comfortable.
Re: text
This is his way of saying he cares, too, for Florian. Enough to trust him with knowledge that could get Thrawn killed]
My people are...insular. That which has stood for five thousand years does not give way to change easily. I may be the only one who can save them from the enemy most either are ignorant of or deny exists.
When I was exiled, I met privately with our top military leadership. I was given a mission to seek out allies in this upcoming fight for our survival. They prepared me and moved me to a place where I would have a good chance of a patrol from such an ally stumbling on me, and used my tactical advantages to move up the ranks.
This was, of course, conditional. The new Empire I serve is cruel and its leadership does not care about the average foot soldier, let alone the average citizen. I had opportunity to escape back to my people, perhaps even with a few choice allies towards the end of it. Instead I opted to continue to fight battles, hoping the war could wait. Hoping that I could win more support, more ships, or perhaps it was ego after all. Perhaps I enjoyed the lack of restraint and caution in a place with little care for oversight; I found freedom in a dictatorship.
I have cause to worry that with my death, I have failed both those under my command in the Empire, and the Chiss Ascendancy as a whole.
Re: text
There are half a dozen people on this ship he would rip apart worlds for. He doubts even half of them know that. And in some ways, he feels that is for the best.
But Thrawn continues. And Florian listens. When Thrawn is done, he breathes in to answer.]
I do think ego is a problem of yours. [ No beating around that bush. ] But I don't think it is at the core of the matter, certainly not the beating heart of it. Merely what keeps the unfortunate engine of your destruction moving. To clarify: the engine but not the pilot.
[ He turns a hand. ]
I think you remained because you looked at the numbers and realized that with what you had gained, the return on your investment was far too low to be of use for your purposes in the time period you'd spent; admitting you had made a mistake was no matter of 'ego' but a loss of resources that could not be regained and thus you sought to find value in them through increased effort. It is, unfortunately, unsurprising in an Empire built as you say, perhaps even part of the design in the 'offer' made to you, a trap of sorts, to gain use of your tactical skills at a limited cost by backloading the greatest value on said return. A trap made for someone like you: someone who cares about his people more than whatever values he holds and is willing to forsake them in order to gain what he needs to protect them.
Except that a machine like that is never made to protect anyone, and it is built only to serve it's master, to only be able to serve it's master. Even at the cost of it's own destruction. It is a stupid animal.
[ He breathes out slowly before making sure he has Thrawn's eyes. ]
I do not think your people, those under your command or those within the Ascendancy, are even close to failed, however. They could have been, given your decisions in your world, but they are not and if you are willing to change your course, could end up in a better position than they once were.
[ A breath in again. ]
I am willing to offer you a trade, Thrawn. And I see this trade as the first step on this new course.
[ He turns a hand towards Thrawn. ]
My deal upon your graduation to use in your people's best interest, determined between the two of us, in exchange for your agreement to remain on board and, barring the uncontrollable, the first deal you earn to be used in replacement. Trust for trust.
Re: text
It is both like and not like the moment when Florian offered to take Thrawn's place, should the unthinkable happen. He was always going to stay here for a deal of protection: that has not changed. But it's a cold shock to realize it's come far sooner than he anticipated.
Such is the level of trust between this warden-inmate pair that he does not insult Florian by asking how he will verify. He both trusts that Florian believes in Thrawn's word of honor, and that Florian has his own private methods of verification he'd rather not disclose.
He does give a slight, ironic smile at how Florian describes the Empire. How much of a politically naive fool was Thrawn, he wonders, first to not see it and then to believe he could change enough of it to make a difference? He has the Chiss, but he also has the people of the Chimaera and the rest of 7th Fleet - thousands of officers alone, many of whom he personally has slated for mentorship or promotion. They too would be chewed up and spat out, all for the sake of the Empire's never-ending demand for absolute control. He thrives in a military dictatorship, but it was always conditional. The Emperor had threatened him enough times to understand that cross-loyalties would never be tolerated. He could have become a political prisoner just as easily as an asset.
It pains him to admit that he knew it was a mistake and hoped for better.
Florian is waiting for an answer; Thrawn stands, extending his forearm for Florian to grasp in whatever way he pleases: the Chiss forearm or the human hand. Either is preferable; neither is sufficient to convey the depths of gratitude and affection. But he suspects his warden, who has insights into nearly everything, will know without him having to struggle with words]
Re: text
He will hold it, just the right amount of time, precisely, before his smile widens to something less calculated, something one might even call 'open' as he nods and steps back. Then he looks to Thrawn, and his voice is soft. ]
Our first task is to regain your health and focus. I am sure that there are people you'd like to talk to, but don't forget to rest tonight. Shall we start properly tomorrow?
Re: text
Indeed. Though there is one slight matter before we adjourn.
I misspoke when I informed you that there were no oaths the Chiss take that carry beyond death. There is one: I have taken it once in my life, for something that has no relevance or bearing. I should like to take it a second time.
I am prepared to embrace this to my grave, and beyond.
[It's a simple oath. Thrass described it to him later as the most stringent and binding: he supposes it makes it easy enough to remember. Still, he steps out from his desk to walk Florian to the door]
Re: text
I am also prepared to embrace this to my grave, and beyond.
[ And he will nod before he follows Thrawn to the door. Offers a nod of goodbye.]
Rest well, my friend.
[ And then he's gone. ]