Unfortunately, I can fulfill neither of these requests, as additional rooms cannot be added to inmate quarters and your secondary request would be, in my opinion, in all ways detrimental to your work here.
Given those roadblocks, is there anything else you might need?
While D'Vana Tendi has stated her opinion, my decision on that matter has neither to do with said opinion, your opinion (which I have not, of course, actually heard from you), or the matter of whether droids are sentient or not.
I am denying this request because it is detrimental to your progress because it allows you to avoid working with, working around, and interacting with other people on board this ship. It is an activity which will isolate you instead of encouraging interaction. On top of that, their maintenance and security around them would be time and effort that could be spent on your purpose for being here and your work towards leaving this place.
If you want sparring partners, find them yourself, encourage people to want to spar with you, work around their needs and schedules and skill levels, and build relationships. Your attempt to circumvent this work is endemic of your larger issues, wherein you view efficiency in and of itself as a virtue instead of a singular tool in your arsenal.
And similarly, I would like to know why you do not trust me any more in regards to our work and assumed, erroneously, that one person's biased opinion would be the basis of my decision regarding anything to do with you or our work without my having spoken to you or having heard your perspective when previous experience would tell you that I have always done so.
Do you feel I am isolating myself? I have multiple sparring partners. I work with some of them daily, and I had hoped to introduce them to an opponent who could not be easily hurt and could be programmed to incentivize different methods of attack and defense.
If you refuse this request, I will find other methods of teaching. It will be slower and impede my work as well.
When I am prepared to give my statement, you will have it.
You both make my point for me and show even more plainly how valid said point is.
Your concern is in training them for combat. And you view a roadblock to this work, your ability to train them, as being a roadblock to your work. And while you are not 'isolating' yourself in the purest sense of the word, you trying to shape those relationships through your prioritization in ways that are not conducive to depth or personal ties.
Meanwhile I can think of at least a half dozen requests for work that I've made to you which I have received no status updates on nor answers to. The very fact that you don't have a statement prepared already says to me that you've prioritized this project over your progress given that your concern was this over having considered what you'd say to me given Fraulein Tendi's feelings. The very fact that you only addressed Fraulein Tendi's feelings after you were denied is another marker of these issues, as well as another mark of your having decided, for reasons you have not explained to me as of yet, that either you no longer trust me to assist you with your interpersonal issues or that you have decided that this interpersonal issue is not worth discussing unless it stands as a block to your desires.
All of this is endemic to treating both Tendi's feelings and my own decisions not as a matter of teamwork, discussion, communication, and understanding but as a matter to manipulate, circumvent, ignore, or avoid.
[ He lifts his head. ]
I will be the first to admit that these are all only preliminary markers, and there may very well be other information you've yet to approach me with which would counteract this diagnosis. I am more than willing to be wrong. In fact, I hope that I am. But until such further evidence is reported, that is what you are conveying with your current decisions and communication choices.
[ He's learned to read Thrawn to some degree. He's very aware, even over the communicator. And don't think he hasn't noticed that you keep using the communicator with him. ]
Where would you see a gap between what you wish to convey and what seems to have been conveyed?
[in answer, Thrawn sends over a file of every damn person he has had interactions with. It may be petty, but he realizes in retrospect that he was hurt by Florian's accusation of being self-isolating]
Do tell me which of these relationships are shallow and I will course-correct.
But I will remind you that it is difficult to form a lasting bond with someone who is sitting on a ship with no shielding or exterior weaponry and struggles to defend themselves from attack.
[ The file is accepted and he'll look it over briefly on camera, but it confirms his suspicions. It does, however, give him an inroad. ]
As you can see, I scanned several entries. That was all it took to tell me the most important piece of information consistent across all of these entries. I would like you to tell me what you think I might find missing from this file, what I noticed.
[ He tilts his head. ]
Firstly: do you realize that you again ignored my question to pursue a line of inquiry to your preference as opposed to what was asked? And secondly: do you think the optimal forming of bonds is done during times of the greatest security and safety? Or is that a choice that you are making because you are afraid of loss?
'Reaching' would require making a statement. This is a question. One which you have not answered either directly and specifically nor indirectly and broadly, other than irritation or frustration at the asking of said question, which would not make sense if the question had no merit unless you're in the habit of believing that fact finding should be narrow from the get go which is, scientifically speaking, an incredibly easy way to get terribly biased results and thus, largely not advised.
[ So are you stupid or defensive? If you wanted someone who wouldn't challenge you, there's plenty of wardens on board. You just didn't get one of those. ]
And you currently do not know what it is. That is where most investigation begins. Is there some reason why or some obstacle which would prevent you from examining your work and evaluating it at this time?
It does not. A question can be reaching, especially when coupled with false information.
[Thrawn's voice suddenly clears up into something calmer and strangely more dangerous]
We are speaking at cross purposes. I cannot answer your questions because I cannot trust you. If there is a flaw with my work, I would appreciate knowing it so I can correct it. That is where I stand.
Do you enjoy these conversations, Florian? Because they are an endless source of irritation for me, and while I do not have your gift for words - much like my brother - but I am far from unaware.
It was my error in questioning your reasoning that led to this. I will course-correct.
[ There. Thank you. All this skulking about and putting up barriers. He's been frustrated beyond the reason. Thank you, Thrawn, for finally saying so. ]
A lack of trust you could have admitted to some time ago and chose not to.
A lack of trust which you have exhibited but not communicated for no discernable reason given the fact that I have not given any evidence of retaliation in any of my prior dealings.
A lack of trust that I would like an explanation for. What have I done that has caused this lack of trust?
There are a number of incorrect pieces of information in your assertion, even beyond the pieces which are biased opinion.
[ And oh, it is only a lifetime of loathing people privately that is keeping his tone and his face neutral. It's all he can do not to curl his spine, make himself look small and defenseless so he can jab a knife in their throat.
Instead, his tone is instructional. Lifeless, but neutral. ]
I have never been human. My parents were human but held the capacity to produce a member of the subspecies which is a more accurate title. 'Humans' cannot burn the inside out of a human body with nothing but a touch. 'Humans' cannot see creatures that exist on different levels of reality than our own. While our biology and physiology are similar, there is a portion of my brain that allows me to see and manipulate energy that a human cannot. It is this portion of the brain, found within the cognitive centers, which is destroyed by those in my world as an option other than execution.
I have shifted from one type of subspecies of human to another subspecies of human. Even then, I still retain my ability to manipulate energy accordingly and so it might be more accurate to place me as a third subspecies or a hybrid subspecies.
As for my 'desire to change back', I consider my shift in subspecies to have no bearing on my values, allegiances, or loyalties for both practical and logical reasons. The first being that as mentioned, I am a rare or hybrid species: if my loyalties existed purely on the basis of species, I would have no one to be loyal to. Second, there is no overwhelming cause or need to which being a mage or being a vampire can or should change the prioritization of my choices as these groups are not in outright conflict either superficially or in regards to resources, goals, or desires.
To a mage, other humans are just as vital in necessity as other humans are to a human. The same can be said of vampires, and it should be noted that human beings can and have subsisted on other human beings at various times in history either due to necessity or due to certain ritual practices. From a practical standpoint, a vampire's goal is the health and well being of humanity because that is their foodsource. Even from the least charitable standpoint, this is so. A parasite that kills its host kills themselves. From a most charitable standpoint, acknowledging that I am hardly a beast with no self control nor a mindless creature with only physical needs, individuals around me and my place in the society of this vessel and this community are things which I value and act to protect such as during the battle some weeks ago on the Narrenschiff and through my continued efforts at providing shields and acting as a ship's doctor.
[ Oh, you thought he was done? He is not done. ]
Further, the statement that I 'have no desire to change back' is factually inaccurate. I had no desire to change back while we were in a crisis situation as my body, previous to this transformation, would have put me at a distinct disadvantage. I have several standing health issues, including weaknesses and frailty, which would have endangered me more than being a vampire in a hostile situation, even with the problem of sunlight and daylight hour sleeping, especially considering the existence of allies willing to watch over me during those times and magical protections I had in place.
At the moment, I have no desire to change back as this is a standing experiment which is one of several possible solutions to a problem I have regarding my own mortality versus the immortality of my fiance and creation. I have deemed this experiment worthwhile in value because I have the means to continue in my current subspecies without causing harm or danger to any others of any species due to arrangements I have made. I am hardly a 'parasite', especially not in practice, and to simplify the relationship between my current subspecies and others as such as ignores the fact that vampires produce other vampires from the human population, making any human just as much a potential progeny as a potential meal, and your choice to designate it in such a way as if the members of such a species are not thinking, feeling individual people with the autonomy to make decisions which are harmful or beneficial to the greater collective is both bigotry and factually inaccurate foolishness cherrypicking whatever knowledge you've gained to confirm your bias.
[ A flat look. ]
And we haven't even gotten to the fact that none of this, not even one spec of it, in any way indicates that I have done or chosen or behaved in a way regarding you that warrants a lack of belief or trust in me. What it does say is that your emotions, your feelings, are so impactful that they supersede your ability to reason in ways that you will not and do not even realize until after, something which supports my assertions and decisions to try and make you examine said emotions to find the root of the issues that continue to keep you here.
In short: you're being a flaming jackass right now. And I do not deserve the treatment you've given me given the treatment, and the trust, that you have been given before, after, and during all of this. And I will not pretend for one more moment that it is appropriate because you can use a calm voice to do it.
[ A soft breath out. His voice is more gentle then. ]
If you need some time to process this, I would understand that, however.
There are some points he agrees with. Some he does not. He does not feel that Florian is not thinking or not feeling; he had labeled the relationship as parasitic. And it was a poor choice of words, given Florian's visceral reaction to it. But clearing that up feels moot at this point.
He knows he is biased. His species is first and foremost in his heart, even when others demand his loyalty or brains. Everything he does or will do will be for them, no matter what. Perhaps, he thinks, this is part of the reason he is an inmate here.
Back to Florian. He is resistant towards having his feelings examined, despite Florian's claim that it is the block behind graduation. Reason and emotion always went hand-in-hand for him, but he's been off-balance lately, out of sorts. Every time Thrawn has had chance to glance to Florian, he feels more predatory, like an animal waiting to pounce. Has he made a mistake in entrusting his file to this person, even prior to this change? He hadn't thought so then.
One of the troubles is the entire warden-inmate relationship to begin with: something Thrawn has struggled to define since his arrival. It is not a traditional superior-subordinate role: it is something far more nuanced and alive, a bond he's fought to understand. It changes rapidly. He had entered into this strange partnership under the belief that Florian would remain as he is and help guide Thrawn through a change; that Florian himself could shift was something he had not anticipated.
Biased again, yes. He almost smiles, thinking of Ar'alani. What would she think of Florian's declarations, he wonders? Perhaps Thrawn, like all Chiss, suffers from an overinflated opinion of his species. It would delight her to know that, he thinks.
But to the issue of Florian now. Where does he wish to go from here? He has always been aware of his flaw of fatal honesty. Thrawn prefers to act in silence, but that too has gotten Florian's ire up. He is ill-suited towards talking about emotions and feelings; this argument is one of the most difficult he's had in some time. Already he feels the boyish urge to crawl back into his studies, throw into his work.
And yet the 'work' here is graduation. A frustratingly ironic dilemma.
Perhaps it would be best to go along with all of this for now. He could appear humble. Apologize for his biases and the lack of trust, resolve to work with Florian, new vampire or no. Most of that is not even a lie.
Would he be believed? Florian knows many of his small tics. So he will play to those. He had not yet attempted manipulation. Why not try it, if he's going to be accused of it?
His eyes soften from their blazing red. He forces himself to think sorry, sorry. His jaw relaxes in severity as he nods, once]
Oh, it's an excellent performance. Florian is actually somewhat impressed since he's reasonably certain this is something that Thrawn avoids if at all possible. He's curious as to the reasons for this choice, and he's trying not to assume the worst from it. A warning shot, then. Right across the bow. ]
Oh?
[ Sell harder or backpeddle faster. He's curious which way Thrawn will go. ]
[A solemn look back. He knows not to overextend his hand; the burden is on Florian to prove otherwise. A lesson hard learned from guarding his thoughts from manipulative Force-users: force yourself to believe what you are saying.]
I am sorry. I will do my best to examine my personal biases and not allow it to affect my judgement in the future.
If we've come to the point where you attempt subterfuge with me over addressing matters of trust and difficulties in this relationship in earnest, then there's nothing much to discuss: you do not trust me and thus any time spent with me is a waste of your time.
I will compile a list of wardens I believe will potentially work well with you and will accommodate your speciesist requirements.
I would offer my word that what information I've become privy to will remain unspoken to my death but my word is, clearly, worth nothing to you. I will see if the Admiral is willing to remove the knowledge from my mind, and if not, will see what I can do in having it removed through my own means. I'll report to you back when and if I make any strides in that direction.
[ Those glassblue eyes are completely clear and completely empty, and he's never been so thankful that being a vampire makes his skin white enough that knuckles won't show. ]
Objections, questions, or arguments before I log off?
I fail to see how offering an apology is grounds for dismissal. Especially an apology for a speciest remark.
But I will abide by what my warden so chooses. If you feel I have been dishonest or that trust is broken forever, that is your prerogative to end this partnership. I, however, will not bear that burden of blame.
[Thrawn walks inside, gazing at Florian in a way that's difficult to tell what he's thinking. Likely a lot of thoughts; too many to settle straight. One emotion he's surprised he isn't feeling at the moment is fear.
Well, there is apprehension, certainly. Even after all this, he notes that Florian is still the best candidate for graduation there is. But the fear in him around his warden seems to have cooled off somewhat, in place of some of the same emptiness. He feels..hollow.
He takes 'his' seat, for lack of a better word. If this is going to be their last conversation as warden and inmate, he wishes to be present for it.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I would like to request the following from the Admiral:
no subject
Given those roadblocks, is there anything else you might need?
no subject
I would like an explanation as to why you believe D'Vana Tendi's biased opinion that droids are slaves, despite her knowing none.
Or why you do not trust me to recognize the difference.
no subject
I am denying this request because it is detrimental to your progress because it allows you to avoid working with, working around, and interacting with other people on board this ship. It is an activity which will isolate you instead of encouraging interaction. On top of that, their maintenance and security around them would be time and effort that could be spent on your purpose for being here and your work towards leaving this place.
If you want sparring partners, find them yourself, encourage people to want to spar with you, work around their needs and schedules and skill levels, and build relationships. Your attempt to circumvent this work is endemic of your larger issues, wherein you view efficiency in and of itself as a virtue instead of a singular tool in your arsenal.
And similarly, I would like to know why you do not trust me any more in regards to our work and assumed, erroneously, that one person's biased opinion would be the basis of my decision regarding anything to do with you or our work without my having spoken to you or having heard your perspective when previous experience would tell you that I have always done so.
no subject
Do you feel I am isolating myself? I have multiple sparring partners. I work with some of them daily, and I had hoped to introduce them to an opponent who could not be easily hurt and could be programmed to incentivize different methods of attack and defense.
If you refuse this request, I will find other methods of teaching. It will be slower and impede my work as well.
When I am prepared to give my statement, you will have it.
no subject
Your concern is in training them for combat. And you view a roadblock to this work, your ability to train them, as being a roadblock to your work. And while you are not 'isolating' yourself in the purest sense of the word, you trying to shape those relationships through your prioritization in ways that are not conducive to depth or personal ties.
Meanwhile I can think of at least a half dozen requests for work that I've made to you which I have received no status updates on nor answers to. The very fact that you don't have a statement prepared already says to me that you've prioritized this project over your progress given that your concern was this over having considered what you'd say to me given Fraulein Tendi's feelings. The very fact that you only addressed Fraulein Tendi's feelings after you were denied is another marker of these issues, as well as another mark of your having decided, for reasons you have not explained to me as of yet, that either you no longer trust me to assist you with your interpersonal issues or that you have decided that this interpersonal issue is not worth discussing unless it stands as a block to your desires.
All of this is endemic to treating both Tendi's feelings and my own decisions not as a matter of teamwork, discussion, communication, and understanding but as a matter to manipulate, circumvent, ignore, or avoid.
[ He lifts his head. ]
I will be the first to admit that these are all only preliminary markers, and there may very well be other information you've yet to approach me with which would counteract this diagnosis. I am more than willing to be wrong. In fact, I hope that I am. But until such further evidence is reported, that is what you are conveying with your current decisions and communication choices.
no subject
[Thrawn's voice is calm. His posture is thick with unease and irritation]
Perhaps I am not as skilled in communication as I have led you to believe.
no subject
[ He's learned to read Thrawn to some degree. He's very aware, even over the communicator. And don't think he hasn't noticed that you keep using the communicator with him. ]
Where would you see a gap between what you wish to convey and what seems to have been conveyed?
no subject
Do tell me which of these relationships are shallow and I will course-correct.
But I will remind you that it is difficult to form a lasting bond with someone who is sitting on a ship with no shielding or exterior weaponry and struggles to defend themselves from attack.
no subject
As you can see, I scanned several entries. That was all it took to tell me the most important piece of information consistent across all of these entries. I would like you to tell me what you think I might find missing from this file, what I noticed.
[ He tilts his head. ]
Firstly: do you realize that you again ignored my question to pursue a line of inquiry to your preference as opposed to what was asked? And secondly: do you think the optimal forming of bonds is done during times of the greatest security and safety? Or is that a choice that you are making because you are afraid of loss?
no subject
[silence. Sorry, Florian. He's taking a lot of time to parse words here]
I ignored your question because I did not understand it.
[his eyes harden at afraid of loss.]
You are reaching.
no subject
'Reaching' would require making a statement. This is a question. One which you have not answered either directly and specifically nor indirectly and broadly, other than irritation or frustration at the asking of said question, which would not make sense if the question had no merit unless you're in the habit of believing that fact finding should be narrow from the get go which is, scientifically speaking, an incredibly easy way to get terribly biased results and thus, largely not advised.
[ So are you stupid or defensive? If you wanted someone who wouldn't challenge you, there's plenty of wardens on board. You just didn't get one of those. ]
And you currently do not know what it is. That is where most investigation begins. Is there some reason why or some obstacle which would prevent you from examining your work and evaluating it at this time?
no subject
[Thrawn's voice suddenly clears up into something calmer and strangely more dangerous]
We are speaking at cross purposes. I cannot answer your questions because I cannot trust you. If there is a flaw with my work, I would appreciate knowing it so I can correct it. That is where I stand.
Do you enjoy these conversations, Florian? Because they are an endless source of irritation for me, and while I do not have your gift for words - much like my brother - but I am far from unaware.
It was my error in questioning your reasoning that led to this. I will course-correct.
no subject
A lack of trust you could have admitted to some time ago and chose not to.
A lack of trust which you have exhibited but not communicated for no discernable reason given the fact that I have not given any evidence of retaliation in any of my prior dealings.
A lack of trust that I would like an explanation for. What have I done that has caused this lack of trust?
no subject
You have changed your species and have said you have no desire to change back.
It speaks of disloyalty to your own kind. You were human. Now you are...parasitic. Your new species preys on your old.
I find it disturbing.
no subject
[ And oh, it is only a lifetime of loathing people privately that is keeping his tone and his face neutral. It's all he can do not to curl his spine, make himself look small and defenseless so he can jab a knife in their throat.
Instead, his tone is instructional. Lifeless, but neutral. ]
I have never been human. My parents were human but held the capacity to produce a member of the subspecies which is a more accurate title. 'Humans' cannot burn the inside out of a human body with nothing but a touch. 'Humans' cannot see creatures that exist on different levels of reality than our own. While our biology and physiology are similar, there is a portion of my brain that allows me to see and manipulate energy that a human cannot. It is this portion of the brain, found within the cognitive centers, which is destroyed by those in my world as an option other than execution.
I have shifted from one type of subspecies of human to another subspecies of human. Even then, I still retain my ability to manipulate energy accordingly and so it might be more accurate to place me as a third subspecies or a hybrid subspecies.
As for my 'desire to change back', I consider my shift in subspecies to have no bearing on my values, allegiances, or loyalties for both practical and logical reasons. The first being that as mentioned, I am a rare or hybrid species: if my loyalties existed purely on the basis of species, I would have no one to be loyal to. Second, there is no overwhelming cause or need to which being a mage or being a vampire can or should change the prioritization of my choices as these groups are not in outright conflict either superficially or in regards to resources, goals, or desires.
To a mage, other humans are just as vital in necessity as other humans are to a human. The same can be said of vampires, and it should be noted that human beings can and have subsisted on other human beings at various times in history either due to necessity or due to certain ritual practices. From a practical standpoint, a vampire's goal is the health and well being of humanity because that is their foodsource. Even from the least charitable standpoint, this is so. A parasite that kills its host kills themselves. From a most charitable standpoint, acknowledging that I am hardly a beast with no self control nor a mindless creature with only physical needs, individuals around me and my place in the society of this vessel and this community are things which I value and act to protect such as during the battle some weeks ago on the Narrenschiff and through my continued efforts at providing shields and acting as a ship's doctor.
[ Oh, you thought he was done? He is not done. ]
Further, the statement that I 'have no desire to change back' is factually inaccurate. I had no desire to change back while we were in a crisis situation as my body, previous to this transformation, would have put me at a distinct disadvantage. I have several standing health issues, including weaknesses and frailty, which would have endangered me more than being a vampire in a hostile situation, even with the problem of sunlight and daylight hour sleeping, especially considering the existence of allies willing to watch over me during those times and magical protections I had in place.
At the moment, I have no desire to change back as this is a standing experiment which is one of several possible solutions to a problem I have regarding my own mortality versus the immortality of my fiance and creation. I have deemed this experiment worthwhile in value because I have the means to continue in my current subspecies without causing harm or danger to any others of any species due to arrangements I have made. I am hardly a 'parasite', especially not in practice, and to simplify the relationship between my current subspecies and others as such as ignores the fact that vampires produce other vampires from the human population, making any human just as much a potential progeny as a potential meal, and your choice to designate it in such a way as if the members of such a species are not thinking, feeling individual people with the autonomy to make decisions which are harmful or beneficial to the greater collective is both bigotry and factually inaccurate foolishness cherrypicking whatever knowledge you've gained to confirm your bias.
[ A flat look. ]
And we haven't even gotten to the fact that none of this, not even one spec of it, in any way indicates that I have done or chosen or behaved in a way regarding you that warrants a lack of belief or trust in me. What it does say is that your emotions, your feelings, are so impactful that they supersede your ability to reason in ways that you will not and do not even realize until after, something which supports my assertions and decisions to try and make you examine said emotions to find the root of the issues that continue to keep you here.
In short: you're being a flaming jackass right now. And I do not deserve the treatment you've given me given the treatment, and the trust, that you have been given before, after, and during all of this. And I will not pretend for one more moment that it is appropriate because you can use a calm voice to do it.
[ A soft breath out. His voice is more gentle then. ]
If you need some time to process this, I would understand that, however.
no subject
There are some points he agrees with. Some he does not. He does not feel that Florian is not thinking or not feeling; he had labeled the relationship as parasitic. And it was a poor choice of words, given Florian's visceral reaction to it. But clearing that up feels moot at this point.
He knows he is biased. His species is first and foremost in his heart, even when others demand his loyalty or brains. Everything he does or will do will be for them, no matter what. Perhaps, he thinks, this is part of the reason he is an inmate here.
Back to Florian. He is resistant towards having his feelings examined, despite Florian's claim that it is the block behind graduation. Reason and emotion always went hand-in-hand for him, but he's been off-balance lately, out of sorts. Every time Thrawn has had chance to glance to Florian, he feels more predatory, like an animal waiting to pounce. Has he made a mistake in entrusting his file to this person, even prior to this change? He hadn't thought so then.
One of the troubles is the entire warden-inmate relationship to begin with: something Thrawn has struggled to define since his arrival. It is not a traditional superior-subordinate role: it is something far more nuanced and alive, a bond he's fought to understand. It changes rapidly. He had entered into this strange partnership under the belief that Florian would remain as he is and help guide Thrawn through a change; that Florian himself could shift was something he had not anticipated.
Biased again, yes. He almost smiles, thinking of Ar'alani. What would she think of Florian's declarations, he wonders? Perhaps Thrawn, like all Chiss, suffers from an overinflated opinion of his species. It would delight her to know that, he thinks.
But to the issue of Florian now. Where does he wish to go from here? He has always been aware of his flaw of fatal honesty. Thrawn prefers to act in silence, but that too has gotten Florian's ire up. He is ill-suited towards talking about emotions and feelings; this argument is one of the most difficult he's had in some time. Already he feels the boyish urge to crawl back into his studies, throw into his work.
And yet the 'work' here is graduation. A frustratingly ironic dilemma.
Perhaps it would be best to go along with all of this for now. He could appear humble. Apologize for his biases and the lack of trust, resolve to work with Florian, new vampire or no. Most of that is not even a lie.
Would he be believed? Florian knows many of his small tics. So he will play to those. He had not yet attempted manipulation. Why not try it, if he's going to be accused of it?
His eyes soften from their blazing red. He forces himself to think sorry, sorry. His jaw relaxes in severity as he nods, once]
I...would like to apologize.
You are correct. I have treated you poorly.
Thank you for your explanation.
no subject
Oh, it's an excellent performance. Florian is actually somewhat impressed since he's reasonably certain this is something that Thrawn avoids if at all possible. He's curious as to the reasons for this choice, and he's trying not to assume the worst from it. A warning shot, then. Right across the bow. ]
Oh?
[ Sell harder or backpeddle faster. He's curious which way Thrawn will go. ]
no subject
I am sorry. I will do my best to examine my personal biases and not allow it to affect my judgement in the future.
no subject
Right.
I'll see if the Admiral will reassign you, then.
[ He looks to the screen.]
If we've come to the point where you attempt subterfuge with me over addressing matters of trust and difficulties in this relationship in earnest, then there's nothing much to discuss: you do not trust me and thus any time spent with me is a waste of your time.
I will compile a list of wardens I believe will potentially work well with you and will accommodate your speciesist requirements.
I would offer my word that what information I've become privy to will remain unspoken to my death but my word is, clearly, worth nothing to you. I will see if the Admiral is willing to remove the knowledge from my mind, and if not, will see what I can do in having it removed through my own means. I'll report to you back when and if I make any strides in that direction.
[ Those glassblue eyes are completely clear and completely empty, and he's never been so thankful that being a vampire makes his skin white enough that knuckles won't show. ]
Objections, questions, or arguments before I log off?
no subject
But I will abide by what my warden so chooses. If you feel I have been dishonest or that trust is broken forever, that is your prerogative to end this partnership. I, however, will not bear that burden of blame.
[Softer now]
Do you wish me to beg to keep you?
I will.
no subject
I have never wanted you to beg.
[ A breath out, eyes closed. ]
I'd like to see you in person. Please.
no subject
no subject
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Well, there is apprehension, certainly. Even after all this, he notes that Florian is still the best candidate for graduation there is. But the fear in him around his warden seems to have cooled off somewhat, in place of some of the same emptiness. He feels..hollow.
He takes 'his' seat, for lack of a better word. If this is going to be their last conversation as warden and inmate, he wishes to be present for it.]
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cw suicide
Re: cw suicide
Re: cw suicide
Re: cw suicide
lots of triggers in here: child death, plague, body horror, suicidal ideation
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